Thursday, September 23, 2010

WE LOVE FOREIGNERS!

First, she approaches the wise old men and women. But they tell her KNNBCCB

Next, she talks to the middle-aged. But they show her the middle finger.

Then, she reaches out to the post-NS generation. But they tell her to go fly a kite

So, she goes to the teenagers. But they just shrug their shoulders.

The deadline is near.
An answer is needed.
But not just any answer!
It has to be the right answer!!!
The right answer to the difficult question: "Do you love foreigners?"

In desperation, how low will you go?

Answer:
The Straits Times
S'pore kids love foreigners
By Cassandra Goh

IMMIGRATION and Singapore's burgeoning population have been hot issues of discussion lately, but has anyone asked our kids what they think? After all, they are the future of Singapore.

RazorTV went to Eunos Primary School to find out what our primary school kids thought of Singapore's growing population and more foreigners living here.

Their answers reflected a refreshing youthful innocence as they openly welcome all foreigners in Singapore, and think of them as hardworking and friendly.

When asked how Singapore can house its new citizens, one suggested 'beside the sea, so they can have fresh air and play' and another said 'next to the Merlion so everyday (they) can see the Merlion'.

Check out the light-hearted responses these kids gave to some very adult questions.


Maybe the next time, readers can look forward to hearing the political views of 3-years old pre-schoolers! These 3 years old will surely give PAP a high mark!

And that's what you can expect from a 141st-ranked newspaper!

Uniquely Singapore!

Monday, September 13, 2010

至北京国安 Letter in Chinese to Beijing Guoan

尊敬的北京国安足球俱乐部少爷们,

阁下不惜千里迢迢,长途跋涉,舟车劳顿,百忙之中大驾光临,不吝赐教,令敝国上下获益匪浅,感激涕零。比赛期间,敝国犬子们不识大体,不晓球场礼仪,未发挥礼让精神,没大开门户,以便阁下轻而易举地直捣龙门,令阁下大动肝火 - 这是犬子们没家教,不懂得赛场上的待客之道,比赛时应尽的地主之谊。对不起!

难得各位少爷通情达理,肯高抬贵手,拳打脚踢,把敝国两球员当出气筒,打得头破血流,送院疗伤,帮敝国教训了犬子们。有道是:玉不琢,不成器。打是疼,骂是爱。此番大恩大德,敝国铭心于心,永不敢忘。

犬子们理应束手就擒,坐以待毙,唾面自干,纵然粉身碎骨,亦不足惜。奈何疏于管教,犬子们不知进退,胆敢还手。以下犯上,天理难容。其心可诛,人神共愤。死罪!死罪!难怪各位少爷气愤难当。是可忍,孰不可忍。谨此郑重道歉。对不起!

现下,特派遣敝球队主席,团长与教练,三人亲自负荆请罪,亡羊补牢,设宴款待,敬茶赔罪。薄礼相赐,不成敬意。诸多冒犯,还望各位少爷海量,大人不计小人过,宰相肚里好撑船。

前事不忘,后事之师。有了此次的前车之鉴,敝国球员必定吸取教训。下回贵球队少爷们来比赛时,敝国犬子们绝不敢再螳臂挡车了,定会在球场上,把球拱手让人。届时,贵球队必可球场得意,满载而归,不至于再次恼羞成怒,对敝国球员饱以老拳了,


新家破体育部下官
微臣。巴烂克你娘

注:微臣同僚外交部下官姣汁样,妄言敝国警察不畏惧“触摸”贵国少爷球员。各位明鉴,他是有神经病的。发作起来,胡言乱语,乃属寻常。其狗屁不通之言论。诸位不必理会,就当他是在放屁好了。敝国美眉(MM)已将其训斥一番。诸位少爷在敝国,倘若看敝国哪个奴才不顺眼,尽管想骂就骂,想打就打,畅所欲言,为所欲为,悉听尊便,高枕无忧,不必忌讳。敝国警察,肯定会袖手旁观,绝不敢“触摸”各位。


Attachment 1:
Facebook
Tony Tan: Minister Sir, I hope that our govt stop practice double standard. It obvious the above match fall under the category of inciting violence. To make it fair, SPF should investigate both parties including Singaporean players involved.

George Yeo: Double standards? I don't think SPF is at all afraid to "touch foreigners" if they have committed criminal offences.


Attachment 2:
The Straits Times
Sep 12, 2010
'Footbrawl' teams make up
By Fabius Chen
ONE box of Malay pastries, several handshakes and a whole lot of water under the bridge.

That was the scene on Sunday afternoon as players and officials from the Young Lions and Beijing Guoan met for the first time since their S-League game had ended in a mass brawl five days earlier.

Over the course of a 90-minute lunch at the Carousel restaurant at Royal Plaza on Scotts , representatives from both clubs expressed regret over the incident, with Young Lions captain Hariss Harun presenting Beijing defender Zhang Zhaohui with the box of pastries as a peace offering.
...

Young Lions offer APOLOGY TEA (敬茶赔罪) to Beijing Guoan

Q: What would you do when someone came to your house, stomp on your two sons (literally!) and punched them repeatedly in the heads, such that they ended up bloodied and have to be sent to the hospital?

Would you:
  • (A) quietly support your sons in hitting them back?
  • (B) kick the assailants out of your house?
  • (C) make a police report?

A: No, no, and no, to all three options. Instead you:
  • (1) force your sons to apologise for defending themselves AND
  • (2) present the assailants with a gift of delicious pastries (thanking them you for bashing up your sons?) AND
  • (3) invite the attackers' parents to a restaurant in a hotel where you treat them to lunch and offer them tea to drink, to apologise chinese-style i.e. 敬茶赔罪!

What kind of sick parent are you, if you do the above 3 things?

Well, that's exactly what our Young Lions football team was forced to perform!

What happened to George Yeo's claim on his Facebook page that our police "dare to touch" the Beijing players?

What happened to Temasek Review's claim that the Beijing Guoan team will merely be sent home, without any police investigation? Sent home? No, Temasek Review! They were "sent", sure, but not home. They were "sent" (chauffeured actually, since they wouldn't have known our bus routes) to a restaurant in a hotel to wine and dine at our expense, and then offered apologies over pastries and tea! Did you imagine that? Could you have imagined that?

Heh Heh Heh!

Get this: Even Temasek Review, with its non-stop one-sided extreme attack on PAP, could not, in its wildest imagination, imagine the above 3 humiliating acts that our Young Lions are forced to undertake!!!! That's why Temasek Review's "wildest" accusation fell far short of what PAP actually forced upon our poor Young Lions!

I don't even know whether to cry or to laugh!

To cry, for the humiliation and insults that my fellow Singaporeans had to go through?

Or to laugh at the irony that even anti-PAP "extremists" could not imagine what PAP was capable of subjecting Sinkies to?


This is not our country any more.

At first, the new-comers were kings, we were 2nd-class citizens.

But now, it's worse! It's not even about new-comers! Even temporary guests can punch us, and all we can do is send them back to their country we must apologise verbally and then apologise again with gifts and then apologise for the 3rd time (this time formally i.e. 敬茶赔罪) with offerings of tea at a restaurant in a hotel!

Is this the kind of country you want your children to play football for?

Seriously, is this where you want to form a family and raise your children?

To have your darling sons and daughters punched and stomp (literally!) by foreigners and then made to apologise (for not keeping still while being punched?)?

If not, then it's time to VOTE PAP OUT!

FUCK YOU, PAP!

YOU HAVE BETRAYED SINGAPOREANS!

TRAITORS!
(Then again, what do you expect? One worked as a translator for the Japanese during World War II. The other worked for the Japanese Military Police. A leopard cannot change its spots. Neither can two dogs!)


The Chinese has an idiom: 唾面自干 (Allowing people to spit on you and then let the spit dries itself out instead of even wiping it away)

This is way beyond that, because allowing the spit to dry itself out is a passive act. Here, there are 3 active humiliating action being performed:
  • 道歉 - apologise (for not keeping still, while being punched?)
  • 再道歉:赔礼(物) - compensate with gifts (for not allowing whole team to be punched?)
  • 再三道歉:敬茶赔罪 - offer tea (in a restaurant in a hotel!), where the team captain and team manager apologise personally!

Sports Minister Vivian Balakrishnan, KNNBCCB!
(Note to police: please do not arrest me for wanting to screw his mother. I meant it as a metaphor! Really! His aged mother, alive or dead, cannot arouse my kuku bird!)

WE WILL BOOT YOU OUT AT THE NEXT ELECTION!


Unbelievable? Read the official Straits Times news report yourself:
Sep 12, 2010
'Footbrawl' teams make up
By Fabius Chen
ONE box of Malay pastries, several handshakes and a whole lot of water under the bridge.

That was the scene on Sunday afternoon as players and officials from the Young Lions and Beijing Guoan met for the first time since their S-League game had ended in a mass brawl five days earlier.

Over the course of a 90-minute lunch at the Carousel restaurant at Royal Plaza on Scotts (Young-PAP: Needless to say, paid for by tax payers! Got eat, sure got drink. Dio boh? So, were the guests offered Chinese tea 敬茶赔罪 or Ang Moh Teh? Or maybe, they do it with a modern twist: coffee? 敬“咖啡”赔罪? 何罪之有!!!), representatives from both clubs expressed regret over the incident, with Young Lions captain Hariss Harun presenting Beijing defender Zhang Zhaohui with the box of pastries as a peace offering. (Young-PAP: Oh I see, so it's 敬饼赔罪

Away from the media glare, there was friendly banter about Singapore's preparation for November's Asian Games in Guangzhou, as well as Young Lions coach V. Sundramoorthy's experiences as a player, said a witness.

Wei Kexing, deputy general manager of Beijing's parent club, local chairman Aloysius Wee, coach Zheng Xiaotian and team manager Yang Hongmin were the other members of the Beijing contingent present.

The Young Lions were also represented by team manager Eugene Loo and assistant coach Terry Pathmanathan. Wei, who was dispatched to Singapore to investigate the incident, went on to extend an invitation to the Republic's Under-23 team - the bulk of whom comprise the Young Lions - to a training stint in Beijing.