Thursday, April 5, 2007

MUST feed monkeys

I saw this sign at MacRitchier Resevoir.

I was outraged. This is getting too much!

Sure, I can tolerate it if some uninformed joggers are not happy that our Asses and Apples are being fed so much money.

But how can they openly call our esteemed Asses and Apples "monkeys" and put up protest signs all over the park like that? HOW CAN?

Firstly, 1 peanut cost $600,000. Our Asses and Apples are asking only for 5 peanuts a year as salary, 3 peanuts a year as pension, and a total of 8 peanuts while working AND retiring simultaneously (i.e. when they are past 55 yrs old). That's not asking too much.

Secondly, not every monkey get to eat 5 peanuts in a year; It all depends on how good they are at monkeying. Those who are lousy, e.g. those hip-hop post-65 MPs who cannot even mimic accurately how a monkey dance, received only about 1/6 of a peanut only leh!

Thirdly, what's wrong with looking like monkeys? Look carefully at the pictures we apple-polishers and ass-lickers put up below - don't these monkeys look cute? Monkeys are intelligent creatures. They can jump from trees to trees, changing their positions back and forth. They can dance and entertain us, just as those hip-hop MPs did. Nothing wrong being monkeys, I would say. And anyway, it is not our Asses and Apples' fault that they look like monkeys. In fact, if I can choose, I would rather be a peanut-eating monkey, than an ass-licking young pay-and-pay! But well, each person has his job to do, so I am quite contented to lick the ass of my esteemed monkeys while they are eating peanuts. Kind of kinky too, if you ask me -- I lick while he eats!

So, how can these joggers anyhow say "dont feed the monkeys"? If we don't feed the monkeys, what are we going to do with the peanuts? Throw them at those poor humans in their 80s who have to skip 1 meal per day? Please lah, havent you guys heard of the saying "if you pay peanut, you get monkey"? Peanuts are meant for monkeys, not humans! Understand or not?

I have called the National Park Authority and told them to take down these protest signs immediately. I am always very "on" about such things. That's part and parcel of being a good ass-licker cum apple-polisher. Take pride in the job, I say. It is not an easy task. But I always put on my very best when it comes to licking and polishing. Our Asses and Apples deserve the best lick and polish.

Finally, I have one simple advice for the protesters: next time, if you guy want to protest, draw better! Your peanut doesn't look like a peanut at all! Looked more like banana. Not that our apples and asses don't like to suck bananas. They do, and they are mean suckers who can suck bananas after bananas. But peanut goes with monkey mah. No standard lah you people. No match for us ass-lickers and apple-polishers!

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