Sunday, January 11, 2009

Q & A hosted by Young Pay-And-Pay

Question by innocent 66.6%: Why did the PAP government appoint itself as the spokesperson of all countries which have the death penalty, when speaking against the abolition of that penalty at the United Nation a while back? Why not just be a quiet follower instead and let others do the dirty job?

Answer by YPAP: Please don't be naive; We cannot afford to be just a follower! At stake is our aspiration to be the world's premier multi million-dollar medical hub ! We must have the death penalty! Haven't you read this yet?

Singapore tycoon gets kidney from hanged gangster
Saturday, 10 January 2009

An ailing Singapore retail magnate has received a kidney believed to have come from a convicted gangster hanged on the same day, The Straits Times reported Saturday...

If you have not, you can read it here.

So, please lah, wake up from your idea!!!

Not only do we need to retain the death penalty at all cost (unless the cost is higher than the profit raked in by our local-suppliers foreign-customers organ donation medical hub), we must increase the number of execution (of young peasants - the younger, the better the organs) and reduce the number being caned (lest we accidentally hurt their pricey kidneys!)

This, we can do by getting Parliament to increase the number of offences which carries the death penalty. Upgrading Section 377A to punish homosexual sex by death instead of just by imprisonment is one way. Thio Li Ann can surely be counted on to give us another outstanding performance, this time quoting directly from her Bible about how those people in Sodom were punished by death by God for sodomy and how it is thus the duty of all Singaporeans of all religion (including those with no religion) to play (Christian) God - thus conferring on us the same equal right to judge homosexuals (and everyone else) as God has.

We will allow Bible-thumping Thio and her followers to say as much as they want, while clamping down on those bloody atheist who dare criticise the religionists, with the Sedition Act or the religious harmony bill, or whatever our Christian-majority cabinet can come up with.

Religous harmony must be maintained in secular Singapore at all cost by allowing only those with a religion a free say about what their religion teaches. No atheist can be allowed to say: "what your religion teaches is hog-wash, and nonsensical rubbish, and therefore Singapore should not be governed the way your religion teaches". Atheist can only say: "For some reason which I am not permitted to say lest I be charged under the Sedition Act, Singapore should not be governed in this way and sorry, I am not allowed to substantiate my reasoning with any rebuttal against your argument, because every of my rebuttal rest on my thinking that your religion is false and thus I am not allowed to speak my mind under PAP law for religious harmony!"

On the judiciary side, we must also instruct the AGC to prosecute more actively e.g. continue to charge people for murder as a dirty trick to get them to "confess" to man-slaughter, but don't honour the bargain. Prosecute them for murder after getting their "confession" (but at the same time, be careful to do that only to locals, not foreigners.)

The police must also carry out more checks at the borders and more drug raids (but carefully avoiding areas patronised mostly by foreigners and local elites e.g. the offsprings of former judges).

We will not need to instruct the judges on how to rule, since they are independent (and the whole world knows that. If not, we will get the Emperor Dowager, who listens to everything behind a curtain, to handle this).

However, we will most certainly need to find someone younger to replace hang-man Mr. Singh who may retire at any moment. The last time, when Mr. Singh left the job, we appealed to his calling to serve the nation by killing people. But times have changed. The younger generation did not experience the poor Singapore of the 1960s, blah blah blah.

So, this time round, if he quits again, we will have to peg the new hang-man's salary to 2/3 of that of some occupations (which will appeal more to our peasants than pegging it at 5 times of that of United States President, even though the final salary would be the same amount.)

We must also carefully coordinate the time of hanging and the time of transplant - a cadeveric transplant carries a lower rate of success compared to a live-donor transplant. So, we will start to think about building a new state-of-the-art transplant centre at Changi Hospital, to replace the one at SGH, which is too far away - although it takes only 2o minutes to go from the easternmost point of Singapore to the westernmost point when we utilise police motorcade esccot, we cannot do that when it is not MM that needs the transplant

Or, we may even build it in Changi prison itself, but we will have to do get our million-dollar permanent secretaries to spend another few million dollars to get some external consultants to do the cost-benefits analysis of such a move, while they takes some super-long vacation to learn french cooking. Hopefully, the consultants are from France, so that those of our perm secs who are there to inspect french kitchens can meet up with the consultants easily.

We will call it the Changi Hospital transplant centre, after we pay yet another few million dollars to some brand-name consultants to see if they can come up with a better name. After pocketing our (or rather, our peasants') money, they will probably simply tell us our original name is good enough. But that's ok - it never hurts for us Asians in PAP to have the second opinion of an Ang Moh (which is also why we have these foreigners sitting on our National Wage Council to decide the wage that our peasants ought to get - but we have not let them decide the wage of us elites. Lucky for us in YPAP, otherwise, our PM would be getting US$600,000 like the US President, instead of US$2,000,000)

Last, and definitely the least important task on the agenda, we will need to convince Singaporeans (many of whose family members will need to utilise the service of the Hang-man anyway): what's a few more thousand in salary for the hang-man and the brand-new transplant centre and the consultants etc, compared to our billion dollar GDP whose success depend very much on us finding that rare person who would want to work as a hang-man. Please have a sense of proportion! That's what we will tell those peasants!

Or maybe we should tell them the truth - if we do not pay the new hang-man handsomely, he may choose instead to work in the private sector for some petty thugs who "eliminate" all their dissidents. In that case, instead of dying at the noose of our new hang-man, our peasants (and their mothers and sisters) may end up living poorly as maids overseas. We will ask them to think hard about it - which would they prefer: a good death or a bad living?

That surely will wake them up, which is a prerequisite before they can go indulge in some vice that will result in the death penalty. The 2 new gambling dens will come in handy to ensure that we meet our quota!

We will need to go for the "human side" -talk about how condemned prisoners can redeem themselves by donating organs. This is where we YPAP will come into play. We will flood all the blogs and online forums with our wonderful logic. And we will write multi ghost letters purportedly from religious people of all faith using various ethnic names, to the Straits Times. Some of us will be grieving conservatives mothers aghast by our sons' modern thinking of donating their kidneys to foreign millionaires, but in the end proud of our sons' selfless final act before they are hanged for a non-violent crime that would result in only prison time in other countries the most outrageous crime we can think of.

That will take care of almost everything. Except for a few bloody peasants who refuse to come to their senses to analyse everything in terms of dollars and cents only. We can already anticipate right now that they will want to talk about the value of the human life and other unimportant human rights values that have no impact on our lives (except to take away our lives. haha). Nevermind, we will get Chua Lee Hoong to do something about these near-psychopaths. Her poison pen is mightier than the sword.

1 comment:

The Hermit said...

RTFLMAO! Cool man! Missed your writing.